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“The person for you is someone who is secure in who they are and not intimidated by you being who you are,” says Nelson.

“Sometimes people close off if they sense that you are not being your authentic self.” No need to hide your less cool, glamorous, or conventionally feminine or attractive qualities.

(And, side note, not super-attractive qualities.) Do whatever you can to distract yourself or tap back into your self-confidence.

It’s easy to feel like your entire self-worth is tied into whether he texts you about hanging out tonight—but it’s We’re rarely more vulnerable than when we really like someone we’re dating, and are unclear about where we stand with them or how they feel about us.

Not that that’s necessarily what you want—and if you’re getting laid and happy about it, more power to you.

But if what you’re looking for is an actual relationship that might lead to something like a lifetime (or at least long-term) partnership, you’d be wise to arm yourself with ways to help you sift through all the dudes you meet, date, and sleep with, and focus on the ones with real relationship potential. I’m not saying you should go all and start playing hard to get, but you can save yourself a ton of time and energy that might otherwise be spent seeing emotionally unavailable, immature, incompatible, or game-playing men by using a few smart tactics.

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Instead of trying to interpret the hidden meaning of every little “what’s up” text, pay more attention to how the person you’re dating behaves.

“Many times women will psychoanalyze every detail about a man, and many times make inaccurate assumptions about who that person is and their level of interest in them,” says Nelson.

When you;re into someone, it’s natural to be inclined to want to fill each and every friend in on every minute detail of your interactions.

The old ‘actions speak louder than words’ expression has stood the test of time because it’s valid: It may be less about what he or she says in those texts, and more about how often they send them.

(Read: How often they’re thinking about you.) “You’re seeking to understand a person’s character, beliefs, and principles to determine whether he or she is a good fit with you and your values,” says Nelson.

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