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The person with real partner potential will appreciate the full mix of traits you possess—the good, the weird, and the goofy.Instead of trying to interpret the hidden meaning of every little “what’s up” text, pay more attention to how the person you’re dating behaves.Who wants to be the one who always texts first or shows affection?That doesn’t bode well for how this person would behave as a partner, anyway.Having a physical connection is certainly a priority for any long-term relationship; but if you’re consistently hooking up with someone who you’re wondering about dating long-term, make sure there’s more going on, too.“It’s common to mistake sexual attraction for being really into someone,” says Nelson.The old ‘actions speak louder than words’ expression has stood the test of time because it’s valid: It may be less about what he or she says in those texts, and more about how often they send them.(Read: How often they’re thinking about you.) “You’re seeking to understand a person’s character, beliefs, and principles to determine whether he or she is a good fit with you and your values,” says Nelson.

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However, these conversations—especially when they turn into repetitive rants—can be counterproductive.“If someone is into you, you don’t have to convince them of your worthiness, or make them see how much of a gem you are,” says Nelson.“Trust yourself and your gut: If you let go of the insecurities and mental chatter, you’ll know what to do and who is right for you.” If you’ve given it a fair shot, and a decent amount of time to find out who they are, give yourself a little tough love and delete that person from your life.“Many times women will psychoanalyze every detail about a man, and many times make inaccurate assumptions about who that person is and their level of interest in them,” says Nelson.When you;re into someone, it’s natural to be inclined to want to fill each and every friend in on every minute detail of your interactions.So if his words and behavior aren’t giving you a clear indication that he’s as into you as you are him, feel free to divest a bit.“I see many women investing too much without the other person earning or giving back the same kindness, appreciation, and attention,” says Nelson.“If they’re trying to see what your interests are, what matters to you, and ask about your friends and family, it’s worth seeing where it goes.”When you’re feeling a connection, of course you want to spend tons of time together, but make sure to pace yourself. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being open about what you’re looking for in a potential match, and communicating that up front, but don’t be too aggressive.” Not only can that kind of behavior scare someone off—it’s just not how you, as an independent and confident woman, need to live.“Your world keeps moving on regardless of how much you like someone,” says Nelson.“Time after time, I have clients who do this and end up realizing that attraction was leading the relationship.” Sex is key—but it’s not enough.Don’t be one of those people who hangs around, taking a hookup’s booty calls or inconsistent texts to meet up, hoping that one day this person will change and fall in love with you.

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