As someone who’s been on both sides of that unrequited fence, I can safely say that he also wants to sweep this under the rug swiftly and painlessly. Tell yourself it’s not a big deal (because it really isn’t! Another strategy to help you move on is to ask yourself three questions and figure out a way to intelligently answer “no” to all of them. Permanent means the consequences will last forever.They are from Martin Seligman’s book "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life."Is this permanent? Pervasive means what happened will negatively affect all areas of your life.What I remember most is how immediately I shrank at that “no.” My body folded in on itself, like a sad parenthesis. The main rule is this: If you act like nothing is weird, then it won’t be perceived as weird.I felt small and dumb and wished I’d never said anything. After a few weeks, we were back at the coffee shop, steadily avoiding my little confession, sure, but talking, laughing, as usual. Normalizing things between you and your friend doesn’t have to be too hard. Even if you’re dying on the inside or want to crawl in a hole and forget love exists.He said he was flattered (ugh) but didn’t reciprocate (ugh ugh). It’s hard enough to put your feelz out there, it’s even harder when those feelz are for a friend and you have to see him all the time. Mostly we were work friends—we’d meet in coffee shops to write, and she would make fun of me for drinking matcha tea, which she said looked like sludge. If you hang out once a week, keep doing so, even if you’re a little embarrassed.We even slept together, twice, but when I tried to ask her out on a “real” date, she said no. If you usually mock his constant "Seinfeld" references and then suddenly stop, he’ll notice and attribute it to your crush. If, however, you aren’t super close, then you can take a small break from hanging out to clear the air.I want the shirtless werewolf and the sparkly vampire." A friend of mine who had threesomes with another guy and a girl said, "It's basically just all about putting attention on the girl.The other guy knew I was bi, but I knew he wasn't and didn't want to do anything funky so I just didn't do anything with him." Like most other sexual experiences that deviate from the norm (procreative, missionary, etc.), threesomes have the potential to teach us things about ourselves we may not have otherwise known.
Invite your friends over for dinner or a movie or Triscuits and Trivial Pursuit night, and encourage them to bring people they think you’d get along with. It’s not personal that he doesn’t feel that spark with me; I’ve rejected plenty of guys myself who were perfectly nice and cute. And it’s not pervasive, it’s one person saying no to me one time. Never mind locker rooms, circle jerks, roommates, public bathrooms, frat houses, skinny dipping, and so forth. I know what you're thinking, and it's invariably a "Ghostbusters" joke about "not crossing the streams" because we all know where two naked penises in the same room lead: Browntown, USGAY.Dear Anna, Other than online, can you suggest where a 49-year-old lesbian African-American can find decent companionship here in Chicago? Peruse the groups that interest you and then go wet your whistle! ) Even if you don’t find your soul mate in the “Lesbian First Time Home Buyers” group, you could meet a friend who knows a friend who might be perfect for you. A quick scan of Chicago-related lesbian groups yielded dinner parties, outdoorsy stuff, “lesbians who love fishing,” a 45 and over group, the “awkward queer women of color group” and, perhaps unsurprisingly, a drumming circle. There are also plenty of men out there who are turned on by the idea of their girlfriends/wives screwing other men.Granted, some straight guys are bi-curious and want to test the waters from a relatively safe realm of heteronormativity.But mixed threesomes don't automatically imply bisexuality. I say it's about time MMF threesomes had their day in the sun.It's certainly a common fantasy among straight women, if the prevalence of slash fiction is any indication.